Sex with Sophie - Say Hello to your Prostate
Friday, March 1, 20130 Comments
Editor note: The following column is suited for mature audiences. The Cannon understands that the contents that follow may offend some readers. Although this column comes from a place of love and wellness, reader discretion is mentioned, but not advised. Enjoy.
Chances are you just squirmed at the word prostate, even if it was in spite of yourself. You don’t want to keep reading, hell, maybe you’ve already switched back to Reddit. I don’t like the way it rolls off the tongue either, but I’m not going to call it the Wondernut or Man-button or P-spot or friggin’ Glory Organ just to make us more at home. For one, none of those are nicknames that I would not feel utterly ridiculous saying out loud. Secondly, this week’s column is all about facing a daunting topic head on.
You might also wonder what authority I have to talk about prostates without having one. There could be some validity to that argument, except that I don’t see any guys clambering to break the ice. Our society continues to make strides in embracing the enormous range of sexual needs and practices that have existed for as long as humanity itself, but many inane stigmas remain. Among the worst is the totally irrational assumption that if a guy is interested in prostate stimulation, he must be gay. It is so prevalent that many men go their entire lives without ever even exploring their anus during masturbation, never mind with a female partner. I realize that female g-spot stimulation does not provide the exact same sensation as with the prostate and that I will never fully comprehend the social pressures among men, but I’ve gotta say, I don’t think any level of stigma could prevent me from getting jiggy with my g-spot. The idea of going through life without this type of orgasm makes me want to cry salty, salty tears.
Perhaps, as with women, our continued lack of education on sexual pleasure has resulted in men’s lack of awareness as to the ecstasy that awaits them. Men who have experienced prostate massage often describe an extreme pleasure that resonates from their prostate and ‘deep within’ their penis. Because prostate massage encourages the movement of semen into the urethra, it can prompt a slow and continued release of fluids starting soon after the massage begins right through to climax. This is called prostate milking. This, coupled with the great number of nerves in the anus, testes and penis accessed through prostate massage, can result in the feeling of a mild orgasm the entire time preceding actual orgasm. Gals reading this, aren’t you mad jealz? I sure am. The orgasm itself is usually reached faster, is much more intense than with solely penile play, and will likely make you ejaculate like you’ve never before. Word to the wise, be sure to close your eyes!
Even men that have heard of the magic of prostate massage (a very popular toy is called the Hitachi Magic Wand, but I would not recommend it for beginners) are deterred by bogus claims. One such myth is that prostate stimulation is bad for your health. While there will always be risks associated with both male and female anal play due to the thinness of the membranes in the anus and therefore vulnerability to tearing, these risks are easily mitigated by the stimulator using lots of lube and trimming their fingernails or using latex gloves. Less pressure is needed to stimulate the prostate than one might think, so when exploring with a partner communication throughout the process is key. In truth, prostate massage can be an important factor in maintaining prostate health, as it unclogs glands and keeps channels open. Clogged glands can cause an enlargement of the prostate known as prostatitis that leads to general discomfort and painful urination. The western medical community has become divided on the use of prostate massage because most people are not educated on the vulnerability of the anus and how to perform the act safely, however prior to the widespread (and arguably overly common) prescription of antibiotics in the early 60s prostate milking was a quite common medical practice. It continues to be used as a tried and true method in naturopathic and holistic medicine. Another myth is that anal sex will prevent you from being able to control your bowel movements. This has no scientific basis. None of my gay pals that like to bottom are in diapers, are yours? Even during anal sex, it is highly unlikely that you will have an accidental bowel movement. You may experience a similar sensation to needing to use the toilet initially, but it passes. With time, you will easily be able to distinguish between the two. Using the washroom beforehand can help to put your fears to rest.
You might have been intrigued and open to prostate stimulation for some time, but are daunted by it. Here are some tips for beginners:
Relaxation is the key to anal pleasure. For years, I found any attempt at anal sex extremely uncomfortable and to be honest, straight up terrifying. I finally found a partner that was experienced in stimulating their own prostate and could relate to what it was like getting started. With a partner that was patient and loving and checked in with me constantly, I was finally able to relax and realized that it can be pleasurable for us ladies too. A bath can be a good way to relax the muscles in the anus so that you are less likely to clench.
Start by yourself during masturbation, inserting one finger with lots of lube. You may find that lying on the bed with your legs up against the wall or lying with your legs draped over a sofa helps you to access your anus. Moving your finger along the upper wall, search for a walnut-sized bulb of tissue about two inches inside. Once found, apply light pressure moving your fingers all over and around the gland. Take it slow and do what feels right for you. If you aren’t comfortable heading straight for the butt, the prostate can also be stimulated by pressing down on and moving back and forth across the perineum, the area in between your scrotum and your anus. It will not be as intense as direct massage, but it can definitely liven up a sexual session.
Anal beads and butt plugs are a great way to get started for both men and women, as they graduate in size. Butt plugs are great because they stay put applying constant pressure, leaving everybody’s hands free for other things. Make sure that any anal sex toy has a nice big flared base for easy removal.
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