A Letter to Canadians from the House of Commons

Monday, June 6, 2005


Written by Kyle Lambert

“Our fellow Canadians,

Let’s get right to the point: Please keep faith, we’re sorry.

We’re sorry that your belief in a functioning minority government and strong opposition has been tossed out the window as fast as an election promise.

We’re sorry that elected Members of Parliament continue to act as though their services are for sale, not realizing that they were already bought with your votes about a year ago.

We’re sorry that the two most influential politicians in the country, Mr. Martin and Mr. Harper, can’t stop acting like desperate megalomaniacs. Paul wants to be PM so bad he’ll do just about anything to keep the job. Stevie hates the Liberals so much that he’ll throw out all reason and good sense in a vain effort to insult and discredit them, so really, it’s neither one’s fault.

We’re sorry that instead of trying to pass a budget that reflected the overall (popular vote-based) will of the population, we keep trying to pass one that meets the demands and needs of much smaller percentage.

We’re sorry that the blind ambition, under the guise of Sponsorship-caused shock, of the Opposition forced the government to pass such a partisan budget. Believe us; we wanted a budget that reflected Liberal, Conservative, NDP and Bloc concerns, but there’s only so much that can be done under the present circumstances.

We’re sorry (on behalf of the Liberals) that Belinda Stronach is your new Minister of Human Resources and Skills Development. While she may not be remotely qualified to occupy the post, her blind desire for power fit in far too well with the rest of her new party to go unnoticed and unrewarded.

We’re sorry (on behalf of the Conservatives) that Gurmant Grewal decided to make like Linda Tripp and audio-record a couple phone calls. In his great efforts to gain plumb jobs for himself and his wife (both soon to be ousted by better-suited NDP candidates); he forgot that Entrapment was illegal.

We’re sorry (on behalf of the Bloc) that one party continues to hold us hostage. Sure, they get to be paid by all of Canada and reap the rewards of representing the entire country, but they assure you it is vital to have a party in the House that cares only about 25-percent of the population.

We’re sorry (on behalf of the NDP) that a party that would currently receive max. 25-percent of the popular vote controls the voting on all major legislation. Their supporters are thrilled, but the majority that didn’t vote for them aren’t quite so happy. We feel your pain.

And finally, we’re sorry that in about 8 months you’ll have to go to the polls again, with no idea which party to vote for. Oh well, guess it means most of us MPs get to keep our jobs.”

Yeah, I’m a little cynical right now. But I promise, as soon as we can turn the focus from dishonest, lazy and power-lusting politicians to the actual governing of this country, I’ll write something nice.

Until then, enjoy the soap-opera.


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