A Tale of the Unrequited
Monday, April 16, 2007
My best friend constantly tells me she wishes she could find “the one” and it kills me because I know I’m the perfect one for her! We dated while we were in university and because she wasn’t ready for a commitment, our relationship didn’t last. Over the years we’ve been through everything together and have remained very close; but only as friends. I want to be the one she’s been looking for all this time, except I don’t know how to do it without putting our friendship in jeopardy. Help me, Sammy! How do I get my friend to realize the guy of her dreams has been in front of her all along?
- Dream Guy
Dear Dream Guy:
I could only imagine how you must be feeling, Dream Guy. I think all of us at one point in our lives have had a friend we’ve loved in secret. Unfortunately though, in your case, I truly believe you can’t make your best friend realize “you’re the one”. If you guys dated once before and have remained close ever since, then trust me, she knows how you feel about her already. In her mind, she knows what type of person she’s looking for, but it’s not your job to help her realize it; she has to figure it on her own.
Rather then continue waiting patiently and hoping that she sees you’re the one, perhaps you should go out and meet new people who you might be the right person for. In so many of these scenarios, men constantly make a big mistake when they try to force the woman to see the obvious. They’ll drop little hints and think she might catch on, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. It’s important to let a woman figure out something by herself because she’ll only resent you later if you’ve already solved the puzzle for her.
Also Dream Guy, you might want to take into consideration her reasons for not biting the bait after all this time. Have you ever thought the problem is not you being good enough for her, but maybe her not being the right one for you? Your friend may feel that she’s not the right person for you and has decided not to pursue a relationship again. Trust that all the years she has wasted not getting back together with you is a sign that she’s still not ready to be with you. Trying to make her see the light could endanger your much-valued friendship.
If you can’t wait for her to makeup her mind, then I suggest you two should spend less time together. Your feelings will only grow stronger if you remain in her presence, so take some time apart and have some quality ‘you’ time. If she questions why you guys aren’t together as much, use this opportunity to tell her the truth about how you feel – they do say after all that the truth can set you free. If nothing else comes out of this Dream Guy, then at least you will have finally rid yourself of these unrequited feelings that have been keeping you back all this time from finding the right person for you.