Rollin' the Dice on New Love

Monday, December 18, 2006

Written by Samartha Gamble

Dear Sammy,

My seven-year marriage had been rotting for the last two-and-a-half years after I caught my husband in bed with our Neighbour, a single mother of one. Hurt and angry, I immediately packed my bags and filed for separation a few months later. My husband has expressed his regret and I’ve forgiven him completely, but I told him that I could not/would not live with him anymore. A month ago, I started dating for the very first time since my separation. He’s a very nice and extraordinary man and our romance has blossomed into love. I consider myself very lucky but now I miss my husband and I’m thinking of trading in my new found love for my ex. Is this normal “Sammy”? Or just fear of change.

  • Once Burnt

Dear Burnt,

Your feelings are completely normal. There are more people faced with this dilemma than you think, especially if they were the devoted ones in the marriage and they were the ones forced to leave because of infidelity. I am troubled by how much you might value yourself, since you have been so quick and willing to forgive and forget such a terrible indiscretion towards you in your own home. Most of us might be able to forgive certain things, but we certainly can never forget the trauma of the incident in question. Burnt, you have come this far and met a good man that you are now in love with. Why would you give that up and even consider returning to a relationship that is now tainted with the toxins of infidelity, and has the great potentiality of just bringing you even more heartbreak? You’ve found love, so don’t turn back now; especially if you’re just going to entertain someone who has humiliated you before and has forever traumatized the dignity of your life. What you are feeling is just the pangs of fear, as you have finally fallen for someone other than your husband. Like many of us, you probably had never fathomed that you would have to open your life to someone other than the man who is now your ex. But if you miss him that intensely, then by all means listen to your heart, but always check back with your mind as you make the final decision Ask yourself: who can love you and who could possibly help you heal your past wounds? This is going to have to be your call burnt. If you can endure getting burnt a second time by the same stove, then fire away. Just be wise and don’t forget the tingle of the first burn.

  • Sammy
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